As many who read this will already know, I've changed my name from my birth name of Christopher William Hirth to Wolfgang Baldur Hirth. My mother named me Christopher, after the since-demoted saint, and I was William after my father.

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Why Wolfgang? I was recently divorced and starting a new life, so I wanted to begin with a new name, the most me name, the truest to my inner self that I could come up with. I don’t want to appropriate another culture, so I won’t talk about "spirit animals” or whatever, but wolves have always been my favorite animal since I was a child and I’ve always felt a special interest in them, so Wolfgang -- “Way of the Wolf” -- seemed to suit me best. When I was older, but decades before I made the change, my mother, knowing how I felt about wolves, said that she thought Wolfgang  would have been a very suitable name for me (partly because it can also be interpreted as "wolf-walk," and as anyone who remembers me from younger days might attest, I used to have a very distinctive, bouncy walk), and she had actually considered it, but living in America, she had wanted me to have an "American" name.

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What is it that appeals to me about wolves? Well, a wise older woman who used to give me advice sometimes in Japan asked me (age about 25) that once, and I said, “Besides the usual ‘they’re beautiful, powerful, magnificent animals,’ because they mate for life.”

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She said, “Wow, you’re quite a romantic, aren’t you?”

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I was like, “What, me? A romantic? Nah,” but of course she was right, as is a wise older woman's wont. I had grown up amid my parents’ unhappy marriage and their screaming fights every day and I longed for something different. I saw something different in wolves; they stick together and live happily ever after, all their lives. People mythologize the Lone Wolf as some kind of ruthless hero or anti-hero who goes his own way and needs no one and lives alone because he wants to (à la “The Wolf of Wall Street” or whatever), but in terms of actual wolf behavior that’s complete bullshit. Lone wolves are generally pathetic and desperate animals who eke out their existence on the fringes of packs while trying to entice away a mate to start their own pack. Many of them are killed by the pack before they can.

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Kipling had it right in the Mowgli stories: “the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” And in reality, unlike in those stories, pack just means family. So the “mate for life” part didn’t work out for me (maybe I’ll get a do-over someday), but I do have four “cubs,” and I want them to always be an important part of my life and for us to be a strength to each other.

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That’s part one. Part two is Germany. Wolfgang is a German name, as is Hirth. I appreciate and love Japan and Japanese people, but I had spent so much time living in Japan, working with the Japanese language, being married to a Japanese woman, raising Japanese-American children, visiting Japan, Japan, Japan, Japan, for 30+ years, that I felt that somehow I’d lost touch with my roots. My mother was German, as was my paternal grandfather’s grandfather. I know it’s fraught with all kinds of terrible things, but that’s my heritage. I wanted a name that reflects that.

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And why Baldur? Once I'd decided on Wolfgang, I needed a middle name too. I didn't really want to keep William, because I was named after my father, but I didn't want to be like him. I wanted to be different. So, I started looking around.

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For some reason, I was initially attracted to names starting with S. WSH would be my initials – wish, wash, woosh – good sounds. Sherlock? Sandiego? Simon? Nah. Solomon? Solomon! Solomon was one of my favorite Bible characters (Brainiac who fucked up? I can totally relate) back in the day, and coincidentally my Mormon "temple name." I guess I didn't want to be reminded of my old religion every time I said or wrote my middle name, though, so that one just didn't work for me.

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Then I thought about Siegfried. That seemed pretty good. It's the name of an old culture hero in Germany, and I have fond memories of the brothers Siegfried and Tristan Farnon in James Herriot's veterinarian stories. But I worried it was a little too German. Wolfgang Siegfried Hirth seemed a little "German McGermanface." Still, I investigated further… what kind of person is Siegfried in the old stories?

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Well, he had a bad attitude toward women, for a start. "'She whom I shall have for wife,' he said, 'must be gentle and womanly. I love not the battle maiden.'" I do love the battle maiden, so that was a strike against Siegfried. But there's worse. In the stories, he tricks Brunhild into marrying a guy and also tricks her into his own bed and etc. Rape by deception? Eww. Don't want his name on me.

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So, then I tried another old German hero: Arminius. (That's the Roman version of his name; it's Hermann in German.) He seemed pretty cool. He pretended to be a collaborator, but then betrayed and ambushed the Romans and drove them out of Germania. Permanently. The betraying part is a little sketch, but he freed the country from the Romans (What have they ever done for us?), so OK? And my grandfather and my uncle were named Herman.

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So far, so good, and I even like the way it sounds, but then there are the initials: Wolfgang Arminius Hirth would be WAH. Makes me sound like a crybaby. No good. What about Wolfgang Herman Hirth? Not terrible, but WHH? Seems OK in English, I guess, but in Japan W means double and H means (more or less) horny or pervy, so with WHH my initials would mean double-pervy-pervy (ダブル•エッチ•エッチ). Might as well name myself Pervy McPervface. (Shut up – that would not suit me better.)

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Besides all that, because Arminius was basically the first German nationalist, the Nazis loved the guy, so the modern German Left hates him. I prefer a less complicated middle name, thanks. So, where else to look?

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"I worship neither the old gods nor the new." That's a standard answer I give when people ask me about religion. What do I mean by the old gods and the new gods? Well, the old gods are the gods of my ancestors (the Norse/Germanic gods) and/or the indigenous gods of whatever land I happen to be in at the time, and the new gods are the Middle Eastern world-religion exports (Yahweh, Jesus, Allah). I don't worship any of them, but I find the old gods interesting. So, maybe one of their names…?

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Using the name of a local god would be appropriation, so that's out. (Plus, though I know now that I'm living on Kalapuyan land, I know nothing about their religion and have no idea what the names of their god[s] might be.)

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But I've already given my dog the name of one of the gods of my ancestors (Freyja). No, that's not an insult. The old gods aren't so persnickety, and often transform into animals. (Freyja herself -- the goddess, not my dog, who doesn't transform as far as I know -- is partial to mares and doves). And besides, I named her that because she's beautiful and I love her, so I hope it can be taken as a compliment to the goddess.

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OK, then. Any problems? Well, there's one: racists. Racists are hard at work appropriating the old gods of Northern Europe. Racists ruin everything, and I, for one among many, refuse to give up and just let them have the gods. So, anyone who isn't racist but wants to do something with the old European gods and/or the old European history has to post a disclaimer. I like this one from Grimfrost, a Swedish maker of cool (really cool, seriously) Viking-themed clothing, accessories, and gear:

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Grimfrost does not approve the usage of cultural features or the symbolism of our forefathers in association with white supremacy, racial elitism or other forms of extremism. Those elements have nothing to do with our forefathers and have no bearing in neither historical sources nor archaeological finds.

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I agree with that 100 percent, and my middle name, like my first and last, has absolutely nothing to do with those elements.

Anyway, why did I choose Baldur in particular? Well, Baldr/Balder/Baldur (I chose the spelling Baldur because Baldr looks kind of weird in English, and Balder makes me sad thinking about my hairline) was always just one of my favorite gods, I guess. In the old stories, everybody (except Loki, of course, that asshole) loves him. He is the god of light, joy, purity, and the summer sun, son of Odin and Frigg, brother of Thor. Pretty cool, huh?

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And there's more. When I was a kid (not sure how old, but sometime after I learned to read) Balder was a character in Marvel's Thor comics. There, as in the old stories, he was really cool and everybody loved him. And there, also as in the old stories, he was killed through Loki's machinations (murdered by him, in short). And that really shocked me. I'd never read or watched anything where a good guy was just killed off like that. (I must have missed the issue where he was resurrected, which I think he was.)

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It didn't just affect me for a moment, either. It changed how I view stories. Since then, I've always appreciated and been moved by tragedies, by stories where the hero dies, or a hero dies, or heroes could die. And the way I felt reading about Loki killing Balder really stuck with me. When the MCU Thor movies started coming out like about 40 years later, and everyone was understandably charmed by Tom Hiddleston's performance as "Loki" and said how cool and fun the character was, I was like "No. No! I hate Loki! Fuck him!" Couldn't help it. I still felt Balder's death.

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And that's why my middle name is Baldur.